resolute

resolutions might be stupid, but i like them because they indicate hope. i absolutely without question, must stop smoking. i want to live. i don't want to die. i am so afraid of death that i literally start shaking when i think of being the asshole who dies at 45 because they smoked. the other night i watched beaches (yes i am a gay man), and cried so hard that my face was swollen the next morning. of course the gallons of beer i consumed while watching did not help. i also resolve to cut that down too. oh, yeah, and get skinny and rich and.............
am i beyond help? i feel pretty helpless. i need to get stronger. but all my vices make me so weak.