Friday, January 23, 2009


I love it when my friends talk about job stress.

AM: Yesterday am, i rolled into work late, around 8:15. I opened my door sat down, opened email. All of a sudden out of the complete blue, a huge fax machine is being thrown at me. I duck, but as the electrical socket was ripping out of the wall, complete with sparks flying, the fax machine fell short of hitting me, but shattered into pieces. I immediately think about the fact that we have no money to replace this machine.

This was all because one of my gangsta girls needed a bandaid and the school nurse was not yet in.

PM: At dismissal, a huge fight breaks out between all of the gang kids, the big guys manage to pull away the main characters. I happen to grab a smaller member. I am trained in restraint, but this kid who is half my size is killing me, kicking me in the groin, punching me in face, you name it. I finally get him calm, he gets on his bus. I realize on my way home, that I can barely move from how sore I am.

master cleanse deux

As predicted, i did indeed catch the bug. Threw up, shit guts out then...eye of storm. Was supposed to be a 24-36 hr bug. Everyone else was 24 hrs. me. Sunday night until 5 am this morning. You do the math. A long, long time. As a result I realize that I have serious GI probs, and I need to redo the colonoscopy/endoscopy rituals. I am certain that i have guts cancer, the grossest of all............

Saturday, January 17, 2009

master cleanse

One of the parents of one of my students gave a gift of a book to one of the teachers. It was a crazy culty book of recipes and god stuff. I read it and became very interested in the lemonade diet. So, after much research and reading, I will subject my body to somewhere between 1-10 days of drinking:
  • 2 Tablespoons of organic lemon Juice (about 1/2 a Lemon)
  • 2 Tablespoons of Organic grade B maple syrup (not the commercial maple flavored syrup you use on pancakes)
  • 1/10 Teaspoon Cayenne pepper powder
  • Ten ounces of filtered water
And will shit my toxic shits until i break down and need a hot dog.

BTW: Will and Gilly both have a stomach bug and have been puking. So I may end up with an alternate plan.

Monday, January 12, 2009


my small boy summoned me upstairs tonight, long after his bedtime. I brought warm milk and cradled him in my arms in the chair. he barely drank but just kept looking up at me, smiling. i looked at him and realized just how helpless he was without me. and i also realized that there is not a person on earth more capable of breaking my heart. that is power.