Wednesday, April 29, 2009

one more ticket to hell

Got off work early today and snuck off to go plant shopping at home depot (tiny smidge of shame in admittance). Aisles were narrow and made difficult to traverse because of hoses etc. So, as a new yorker, i park mine and walk the rows. A couple with an empty cart comes quickly and sloppily down the row, bumps me, so that i almost fall and actually runs over my foot. No apology. My foot hurts (a little) but I am more pissed. I say loudly, "EXCUSE ME!" no response. So i then say, "fucking assholes". Still cannot believe that they did not respond. I get over it.

Go up to checkout line. They are 3 ahead of me. I am watching them, and slowly begin to realize that they are 'slow' adults. I look outside and see that they have work coaches waiting for them who are helping them to live productive healthy lives.

I swallow yet another deep gulp of self-shame.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


During my 5 minutes of sleep on the plane, I dreamt that i was the director of the big upcoming blockbuster of Dante's Inferno. I had some really cool ideas for it, so if you got the $, let's do this.

Friday, January 23, 2009


I love it when my friends talk about job stress.

AM: Yesterday am, i rolled into work late, around 8:15. I opened my door sat down, opened email. All of a sudden out of the complete blue, a huge fax machine is being thrown at me. I duck, but as the electrical socket was ripping out of the wall, complete with sparks flying, the fax machine fell short of hitting me, but shattered into pieces. I immediately think about the fact that we have no money to replace this machine.

This was all because one of my gangsta girls needed a bandaid and the school nurse was not yet in.

PM: At dismissal, a huge fight breaks out between all of the gang kids, the big guys manage to pull away the main characters. I happen to grab a smaller member. I am trained in restraint, but this kid who is half my size is killing me, kicking me in the groin, punching me in face, you name it. I finally get him calm, he gets on his bus. I realize on my way home, that I can barely move from how sore I am.

master cleanse deux

As predicted, i did indeed catch the bug. Threw up, shit guts out then...eye of storm. Was supposed to be a 24-36 hr bug. Everyone else was 24 hrs. me. Sunday night until 5 am this morning. You do the math. A long, long time. As a result I realize that I have serious GI probs, and I need to redo the colonoscopy/endoscopy rituals. I am certain that i have guts cancer, the grossest of all............

Saturday, January 17, 2009

master cleanse

One of the parents of one of my students gave a gift of a book to one of the teachers. It was a crazy culty book of recipes and god stuff. I read it and became very interested in the lemonade diet. So, after much research and reading, I will subject my body to somewhere between 1-10 days of drinking:
  • 2 Tablespoons of organic lemon Juice (about 1/2 a Lemon)
  • 2 Tablespoons of Organic grade B maple syrup (not the commercial maple flavored syrup you use on pancakes)
  • 1/10 Teaspoon Cayenne pepper powder
  • Ten ounces of filtered water
And will shit my toxic shits until i break down and need a hot dog.

BTW: Will and Gilly both have a stomach bug and have been puking. So I may end up with an alternate plan.

Monday, January 12, 2009


my small boy summoned me upstairs tonight, long after his bedtime. I brought warm milk and cradled him in my arms in the chair. he barely drank but just kept looking up at me, smiling. i looked at him and realized just how helpless he was without me. and i also realized that there is not a person on earth more capable of breaking my heart. that is power.