Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Be careful what you ask for

I grew up in a pretty religious family, and I truly believed my prayers were heard until maybe high school. My brother and I would sometimes pray together. He was almost 4 years younger than me and the only prayer we ever had in common was that our parents would get divorced. We both agreed that he would live with her, and me with him. Yes, they do not even have names or titles at this minute. Anyway, as of today, by the court of connecticut, my parents are officially divorced.

Of course, this is not what I had asked for 25-30 years ago, it is now a sad shroud that will always taint every holiday in ways worse than had been previously tainted. It will also infringe upon already limited time in terms of visitation time etc.

why didn't they do it when we were kids? Shit woulda been so much easier.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


So, after hours of worryiing, it turns out that when my brother got there, my father was drunk. He is not normally a drinker, but has been doing so since being served. Total attention seeking act, he calls family member, announces that he is drunk and will proceed to take sleeping pills. Refuses all calls, so we can all believe he did it, based upon a previous attempt. Sean shows up, dad is fine. What a fucking calculating jerk. My parents are such puppeteers. I hope that I am actually a far better parent. I should be, I've had 41 years of practice.

Friday, November 7, 2008


Right now I am sitting here, holding a beer, waiting for a call from my brother to let me know if my father has killed himself.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

dog teaches boy teaches dog

the other day, gilly was watching loretta eat her dog food. he immediately puts his face into his own plate and starts eating (well not really ingesting, just chewing, as he does not eat).

gilly has recently become obsessed with turning light switches on and off. last night we came home from trick-or-treating, and i was a little freaked out because backyard light was on, and i knew i had left it off. nothing missing no robbery, but scratching head.

just now, i sat at this island and watched the dog stand against the wall, use her nose to turn the light switch on so she could have light to go outside to do her bizness.

having problems with myself

I am not an idiot. But at the craziest point of my life i think i may have known myself better than i do now. I now float, and not well. I also, cannot deal with the mismatch of self vs. mirror. It's starting to have some feel to me.