just a day

As of this date, Will and I have officially been married for twelve years. whew, that's a number. And a really lovely one. Nothing but big old hearts dancing in my eyes.

My father came down yesterday morning from ct and we were trying to decide what to do for the day. Hmm. beach, no. Gilly is tough work at the beach. Museum, ugh, maybe. Park, playground, zoo, no, eh, maybe.

Me: i wish we could just spend the day lounging around a pool.
Dad: too bad you just didn't come up to our house to spend the day at our pool
Me: Let's go.

so we trek it up to ct, a trip that usually takes 1.5 hrs takes 2.5. as soon as we get to the pool, thunder rumbles in the near distance. outta pool and into loony bin of ensuing divorce.
my skin is creeping, every spoken thought pierces me. i am 16 and want to jump into the car of any, many bad boys who will attempt to, and occasionally will turn my anger into a more tangible, less palatable form. i keep looking out of the window. why?

I return to pool. I sit in slight drizzle. reading e. hardwick. the sentences, so beautiful they border on pretentious. rain, sogging pages. i am alternately angry and awed. i look to the woods. i am calm. calm, is a small small time.

return. dad wants to take will and i out to dinner. we go to this all-you-can-eat-sushi-place. stop there. i know that in itself it sounds like a horror show. but strangely enough, it was actually decent. it was a little hidden hole in the wall yalie gem. it was cheap and good. i was shocked.

Drove home with the boys asleep around me. Calm again.