I was probably drunk when the memo went out, so please fill me in. When exactly was the bill passed that people should be as fucking mean as they can possibly be (without necessarily going to jail) to strangers?
I just called a friend on her cell phone, turns out I used an old number. Youngish-sounding hipster girl (nonsense music playing behind her was the clue) in a loud bar/restaurant answers.
Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Bitch: "Umm excuse me...do I KNOW you?"
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry is this _____?"
Bitch: "WHO IS THIS!!!!!"
Me: "Oh, I am so sorry, I must have an old number"
Bitch: "Um. Hello. Why don't you check your numm-bbers before you dial? Please don't call me again, I really don't need extra phone calls from losers. Ummmmm, ok?" in most perfect condescending voice ever, and showing off for friends who were laughing behind her.
Me: Blood swirling before my eyes in the pattern of the perfect stroke. "Um, ok, cunt"
And this is one very small example. Everywhere I turn, people are as mean as they can get away being with at the moment. From throwing the groceries with a little too much oomph, to intentionally parking so that it is difficult (but not impossible) for someone to get around them. To the retail worker who responds to a question with such disgust that you check your face for brown smears. To the sanitation workers who look you in the eye, when they spill shit all over your sidewalk and keep moving with a subtle smirk. To the constant and seemingly random choices of property destruction. To the repetitious threatening overtures at innocent normal human interactions. And so on, et al, blah,blah.
As many of you may know, I can be as mean as any motherfucker on earth. However, I guess I just wasn't apprised of the fact that this is what i am now SUPPOSED to do (having always been scolded in the opposite direction). But, now I am so constantly angry that I am a dangerous person. Sort of like the Robin Hood of rage.
EDIT: Thanks for the tip, gihyb!!! So if you have any crank call bones in your body: here's her #. 646-209-7709. Her name, minions.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
re-g-urgitations
3 comments:
i usually get the dead eye syndrome from merchants ... but remember, people are animals too
please post that cell phone number! xmastime has unlimited minutes!
yeah i don't get mean people. seems to take them no energy at all to be that way. the one i'm thinking of accuses one of my demented old ladies here of being an 'f-in thief' just cuz she stashes cookies and stuff in her coat pocket. Geez. The accuser will then go into the pocket and remove the old ladie's stash and throw it out. Nasty.
The truth. Have you ever left the phone number of an offensive person on a bathroom wall?
Post a Comment